Tuesday, April 11, 2006

He doesn't know me after all......

Well, he's always thought I was his sister ever since he's had the stroke. Most times I can get him to remember after repeatedly telling him "I'm your daughter..Janet". He used to remember that Steve was my husband and that Heather was my Daughter. I really thought he knew who I was these past couple of days. Mom asked him if he knew me and he stares at me. (Think I got my big eyes from him...lol) Well, today as I was talking to him and asked if he knew who I was, he shook his head yes. I was positive I heard him say Verna but with his mumbled speech it's hard to tell. I understood him when he slowly said he wanted some shoes. I asked him if slippers would be ok and he said yes. I asked the nurse for a pair of those hospital footies they give patients and she said she'd get him a pair. They have these sock things on his feet but his toes stick out and he wants them covered. He kept trying to tell me something with numbers today. It's so frustrating that I can't make out barely one word that he's trying to say. It has to be doubly frustrating for him to be trying to tell someone something and they can't understand a thing you are saying. He stops and looks at me then asks...."are you my sister?". That's when I realized that earlier he had indeed called me Verna. Aunt Verna died when I was a little kid. I think I was 4 years old. The only thing I think of that makes him think I'm her is my long dark hair. I told Mom today on the way home that I'm not going to correct him anymore. I asked him if he remembers Gloria. He said louder and very plainly...."Oh yeah" as he shook his head up and down. I'm glad that he knows mom and remembers gloria. I told him that Gloria is coming in a few days from California to see him. He shook his head up and down and said "ok". I want so badly to cut his hair and trim his fingernails that are so long. The gave him a bath today and shaved him. He looked better than I've seen him in a very long time. I just wish I knew what we were going to do about this feeding tube. I'm pretty sure we aren't going to have it put it, but we need to talk about it when we all get together after Gloria gets here. Mom doesn't want him to have it at all. I keep battling with the moral side of me that doesn't want to be responsible for Dad starving to death. I need to get passed this issue in my head. Perhaps after a family conversation I'll be ok. This is tough. Heather ws going to come to the hospital with mom and I tonight, but she's pretty sick with a head cold and called me to say she wasn't going. That was a good call. We don't want him getting sick like that at this point. I still haven't spoken with his doctors yet. Hopefully the GI doc will call me in the morning. He's the doctor that wants the feeding tube in. The next 2 nights I work 2 to midnight. I'll be able to make calls in the morning. I just hope I ask all the right questions. The social worker from the hospital called me today. They just needed to know that when dad does get released, was he going back to the nursing home. I told her yes. I still want to have a meeting with the admiistrators of that facility. I want them to understand that I'm not all that happy with the care Dad has been getting. Hopefully I'll get somewhere with that. For now though, that's my latest update.


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