Saturday, January 14, 2006

Just feeling the need to whine a bit

here's a sample of why I'm so tired.


TONIGHT-------- 2 to midnight
SUNDAY--------- 2 to 11:30pm
MONDAY-------- 2 to 11:30pm
TUESDAY-------- 2 to 11:30pm
WEDNESDAY---- 2 to 11:30pm
THURSDAY------ 10 to 8pm
FRIDAY---------- 6:30 to 4pm

These really aren't that bad of hours IF you're the type of person that LIKES working nights. I hate them. Not only has this been a somewhat typical schedule for me lately, I've been busy helping Heather out and running back and forth and still trying to function on little or no sleep. For 18 years I worked days primarily. I was in a position where I could make my own schedule since I was "incharge". I chose to walk away from that for a myrid of different reasons. Sometimes I still kick my own ass for it. (no one else's to kick). I'll admit I was in a rut and walking away was the only resourse for me at the time. I have been so exhausted so far this month with all that has been going on. It was fabulous being there for Heather and being apart of the birth of my grandson. I wasn't prepared for how stressful it was going to be. Watching her go through so much pain and not being able to do anything is tough. Especially when you can relate to that pain. I'm so glad that she's getting stronger everyday. Things are coming together for her now that she's getting her car fixed and we're picking that up today. She got the downstairs apartment that she's been wanting so that makes us both happy. (it's in her building not mine). The babies dad has been helping her move her stuff down since I'm working so much and can't get there to help her.

I stress too much over things and I know it. I let my financial situation upset me. It's a struggle since I'm not making near what I used to but oh well, I get by. For the rest of this month and all of February and March are going to be very tight since I signed up for the insurance and it's now being deducted from my pay. I'll be so happy when my final truck payment is made in March. I can't believe it's been 5 years already. I'm looking forward to not being so strapped. Having money woes drains me. I'm not behind or anything like's just tough stretching it and I hated having to do that. Things are looking up for me and that helps me not slip into depression. I've been there before many times in my life and I have to constantly stay aware of that so I don't slip back into it.

With Heather getting her car back and being able to get around better, I won't have to fret over helping her as much and can get back into my own routine of things. I hate to admit that I've always been the type of person that hates when things get out of sync so to speak. The same old routines can be boring and drag you down and that's not what I want in life either. I just get exhausted to easy when I'm runnning and running and running and not getting good rest. The worst is when you lay down to sleep and your mind has other plans. It starts thinking of every damn little thing and before you know it the alarm is goin off and you haven't gotten any sleep. To have the busy schedule I've had so far this's been draining. Not to mention I had tha best surprise ever planned for My Bob's birthday next month and now I can't go through with it. That's going to be a tough one for me to get over, but I know I will.

Today is slipping by me so I need to stop whinning and get on with it.


I feel I need to clarify the reason this schedule is the way it is due to some comments on this post.....Our weeks go from Monday to Sunday. I need this coming Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday off....( the 21st thru the 24th ) to go to Florida. Saturday and Sunday are the last 2 days of this week and Monday and Tuesday being the 1st two days of the next schedule. Thus...those are my days off this week and for the next schedule too. I was scheduled off this past Tuesday and Wednesday but I was called in on Wednesday to cover a call off. (It can be complicated and hard to follow). I usually work 3 nights and one midshift and one day shift with 2 days off a week. It's just been weird and all messed up this month so far because I had to rearrange my schedule to be off with Heather. Since January 1st I have had 4 days off ( 2 of which were spent at the hospital all day and 1/2 the night) and worked a total of 8 nights and 1 day shift and only 1 mid shift. That's alot of working in just 14 days. Now that I think I have confused everyone and it's nearly 1am....( just got off my saturday night close). I'm going to bed!!


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