Thursday, December 08, 2005

Some thoughts before going to bed.......

Today was a good day over all. I got some stuff done around the apartment that I've been putting off for too long. I signed a few more Christmas cards and got them mailed out. I even had some fun emailing back and forth between Bob's brother and his brother's partner making fun of the weather report for Washington, DC today. Bob's brother sends out an email asking what you get when you rearrange the letters in Bob and's what he came up with..." BanJob".'d have to know him to understand his humor but I thought it hillarious when I read's only now that I think it just looks I also went over to my Mother's today to balance her checkbook for her then we went to the Golden Corral for lunch. After that we stopped at the nursing home to see my Dad. I have been bad and haven't been there in forever it seems. The really bad part about it is his nursing home is less than 5 minutes from house. I have no relationship with my Dad. I haven't in years. I don't hate him anymore...I haven't in a very long time. The only thing I hate now is seeing him deteriorate right before our eyes. Don't get me wrong here; my Dad was never some big guy that worked hard all his life and is now shriveled to nothing. He was a man that was smart in his own way. He had great potential to be something if he would have applied himself. I don't think he ever really had any self confidence or I'm sure he would have made better choices in his life. My Dad was a great photographer. I loved his photos from Germany when he was in the army. He never persued it. My Dad was not a hard labor kind of man. I'll not go into alot of detail (right now) about him. I do want to do a post about him but feel I should talk that over with my sister first. Seeing him today nearly brought me to tears. He sits in his wheelchair and just mumbles. He stares at me with those deep brown eyes of his then trys to ask if I'm his sister. I get that alot when I go there. After the 3rd time of telling him I'm his daughter Janet, he points to me and trys to say my name and I say yes it's me. If my Dad makes it to his birthday next year, he'll be 83. His birthday is February 23rd. At this point in time I see no reason he won't make it. The nursing home called me today to let me know Dad's annual review is coming up so I made an appointment on Friday the 16th to take Mom over so we can talk to them. I don't know what they go over in a review, but I'm sure I'll find out. I have to ask my sister, she used to work at a nursing home. While back at my Mom's today, she and I were discussing my camera and my Dad's old camera came up in question. I asked her if she still had it and she let me take it home. She told me that Dad says he stopped using it because there was some tiny pinhole in the "shutter" thing that left dots on the pictures. We were discussing when my Dad bought this camera and we figured it was right before he and my Mother met which was in April of 1954. He bought this camera in Germany at an army PX store. It's an 85mm. I'm not even sure they make that speed of film anymore. I promised Mom I'd take care of it. I'm going to try to find some film for it and see if it works. I'm hoping to be pleasantly surprised. Here is a photo of my Father with my mom taken back in April of this year.....He looks different today. He has lost so much weight that his teeth won't stay in and they have taken them out. Now he sits there chewing his tongue while moaning all the time. I just think it's sad to see him like this. Perhaps my sister will share some of her photos of Dad in his younger years.

I need to stop for the night as it's late and I'm going to start repeating myself. Tomorrow is a new day....Hope everyone makes the best of it.


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